I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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