I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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