I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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