It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
