Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
