anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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