Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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