At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
