The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
