u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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