Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
