How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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