I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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