He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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