Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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