But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
