you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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