that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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