You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
