I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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