I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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