holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
