I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
