if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize