My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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