she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
