Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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