She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
