i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sobbing to NWA
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
