You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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