Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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