You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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