I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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