I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
