the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
