My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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