....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
