every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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