In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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