just tell him i said nine months
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
