a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
