Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
