if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
