I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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