Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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