Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i think my cat just said my name.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
