This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
