I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
