i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
