At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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