I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
barbara walters just said penis...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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