I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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