32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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