Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
