this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A+ Viking dick
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
