Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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