What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
