Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
