we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
