Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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