ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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