You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
