Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
